just as i am

how long has it been??!

2007-09-25T02:46:00.000+08:00

man.

its been ages since i last blogged! lol.
received an overseas call from munting today, and she told me that she saw my number from the blog. that reminded me, 'oh, i havent been updating my blog for more than a year!' bet no one ever reads my blog anymore haha.

oh. no. only munting reads my blog :p
sorry munting, i was on a train back to seoul, went down to my granny's house to visit her :) blame the bad reception, the phone line got disconnected. sobs. well, thank you so much for calling me ya? was so glad to hear your voice, huns. *hugs

don't know why
but i miss everyone
soooo much nowadays.
in the blues. again.

i seriously need a hug now.

solely photos!

2006-04-01T16:02:00.000+08:00

recently took photos...: )
take a look!

yonsei university

the korean traditional percussion group

drummer girls

whee-weet!! :))

hostel room

finally

2006-04-01T05:54:00.001+08:00

woww woww wow!!! : )
haha man, its been a month since i last updated my blog. phew!!
eversince school started, i was so busy with homework, seminars and all those surprise quizzes that, i bearly had time to do anything else other than study and work. terrible terrible terribleeee. school's a silent killer. i tried to run away somehow, from this stress that constantly accumulates in me, but there's no where to go. competition, stress, ambition, success- all these are parallel to total madness, extreme torture and ultimate hell, seriously.

who said uni life's ALL fun and not at all stressful?? that person's a psycho, a goondu, a pig, a super stupid irritating big fat liar. he/she should go and get himself/herself a cup of hot milk and cookie, sit by the window and think- carefully reflect and ponder, 'why was i so stupid to make such a lame comment, I don't deserve to eat the cookie and drink my milk. damn, i'm so stupid, i'm a freak.'

ok, this is freakier.

don't misunderstand, i'm not saying that university life is a complete bullshit, and that i'm not having fun at all. i did make a bunch of new friends and my professors are reasonably entertaining and open that lessons are pretty much interesting and engaging...wait, pause. did i just say friends?

hmm. well, in university i think its kinda hard to make friends. true friends, i mean. friends, to me, are those who don't question you, who are willing to take most of your shit without complaining, who are present when you need a pair of listening ears, who are caring and concerned about your condition, who bother to take some time off to talk to you and have a drink or two, even if the time is not at all appropriate. but in uni, in korea, its not very easy to find one who is willing to give me as much care and concern as i am willing to give them. most of them dont want to give at all. is it just me? hmm. well. maybe i'm thinking too much that i myself am refrainig to open up whole-heartedly. ha.

sometimes i get so upset, you know. i wonder whats wrong with these freaks that overpopulate seoul. my political science teacher has told us, human-beings are self-lovers and this is what makes this world so sick. haha i know! i kinda agree with him, and yes, this thing i'm going through is life, it is the reality and this perhaps could be the start of the magnificent "adult-world". the idea that the people coming to me only when they need me, only when they feel they can benefit from me, they come to me only when i have something that they don't have- makes me think that WE human-beings are superficial bunch of monkeys. what sacres me the most is the fact that I myslef could now be revolutionalising into such barbaric monkey too. ahhhh sharks. i never want to be a monkey.:( Influence - my worst enemy? please don't turn me into a completely destroyed hollow piece of human nut-shell. maybe this could be the reason why i've been desperately seeking God recenly, trying to keep myself extremely close to God, away from the bad influences. ahh people. if you notice weird change in me, please tell me off!!!!!!

Underwood International College.
its a liberal arts college that I am in right now, in yonsei university. my fellow classmates and i are the pioneers of the college, i.e, we;re the first batch of UIC. its a brand new course "designed to make global leaders and korean representatives, to make the best and the most effective people in the world, according to my dean. hmmm,,really? the course divides its majors into 3 different fields: lifescience n tech/ economics, political science and international relations, and comparative literature. I chose the field of political science and IR and bleh. its super tough. been a science student all these while(ahh yes, there's nth to be proud of, as i'm aware that i screwed up my sciences for A's lol), and suddenly changing my focus to something which i'm not quite familiar with kinda places me at the tip of the cliff. sigh i began to regret and wonder if i've made the wrong choice or if i've been wrong about own capabilities, since the third day of school. it's only the third day of school and i'm starting to get confused. diaos.

the courses that i take:
1) Introduction to pol.sci.
2) East Asian History
3) East Asian Literature
4) Writing Tutorial
5) Modern Christianity
6) Calculus
haha why calculus? in year one, everyone is required to take one maths or science subject. and why writing tut and modern christianity? i don't know, its just compulsory.

I have signed up for quite a no. of extra curriculum activities too, well not that i'm going to take up all of them and murder my own self, i'll definitely drop one by one as work continues to bother me and get on my intolerable nerves. hmm i have signed up for the korean traditional percussion group(my fav!), the health and fitness club(which i think will make me some super muscular 'WANG(chinese character)-tummy' woman), the sign language club, christian ministry and volunteer club, traditional chinese medicine club(which you are made to conduct accupuncture on yourself for experience and skill practice, yea freaky) and last but not least, women rights group. madness aye? i know its alot.:) but nah. considering that for some clubs, i havent even gone for any meeting yet and by now, probably my membership's been striked off already.

ahh the drinking culture in korea.
crazy, ill, terrible culture that korea should definitely get rid off.
before i left spore, dad and mum kinda taught me how to drink and i slowly learnt about my own alcohol-intake-limits and got to know some drinking manners. i drink pretty well, drink well as in i can take alcohol pretty well. but in korea, the amount i normally drink, is nothing. people just drink and drink; after school, before work, during breaks...and it gets worse when peers force you to drink. and if you dont drink, you would be treated like some loser or an outcast, damn the peer pressure.

i personally had a terrible experience. once i went out for supper after sm band performance with a bunch of friends in class, and due to excessive drinking which i was forced to gulp down, i fainted(seriously), and had to suffer 2 days of horrible nausia. it was that, i was made to drink till i fainted and when i woke up after 2 hours i started to puke, and puke for the next two days. i wasn't able to swallow up anything, or for that matter, even maintain myself sane and well. after that incident, even till now, i am not able to drink. the experience had made alcohol my no.1 fear and whenever i smell or taste alcohol, i would feel all puky and unwell. phew, perhaps my body is telling me never to drink too much again. alcohol~ bad stuff!

ahh hostel life!
haha hosel life's not bad tho. infact, its great! lol at first, i was so lonely and sad, and i missed my parents and my friends so much that, nightly, i couldn't help but cry and cry and cry, and eventually lose control and cry out loud, till the girl next door came knocking on my door to ask me to keep quiet. oops. with an "almost-independent-life" in hostel, i now have to do my own laundry, cleaning, mopping, grocery shopping, and waking up on my own- this is the toughest thing can?! haha yep, honestly,,i was never once early for my lessons. always right on time, or a few minutes late if i haven't the luck. phew!! food here in hostel isnt too bad, the facilities are good, and they have lenient curfew imposed on us(1a.m. in the morning). :) oh and my roommate's awesome! sweet-natured, mother-like, strong-willed, helpful, caring and chubby little country-side lady, i love her to bits. we're pretty similar and we seem to connect well.

ahh, my birthday! 2nd of march.
it was the very day that my uni life started, and i told myself again and again not to expect anything this year so that i wont get disappointed even if i get absolutely nothing at all. i mean its obvious. i havent made many friends yet, and those friends would have no idea that its my birthday. it didnt matter anyway- it didnt really feel like my birhday that day. but seriously!! not even a single birthday wish from anyone?? hmm.

that night, i was trying to get some reading done for the next class, and my hp alarm went off at 11.45p.m. time to get ready for bed..then i realised my rmmate had not returned home yet. hmm she told me she would be back by 11, i began to worry and i gave her a call, and she said she was caught up with some agenda and she would be a lil late. just before midnight, someone was knowcking hard on the door and was asking me to open the door. and upon opening the door, oh my gosh, it was my roommate holding a coffee cream cake with candles. with a satisfied grin, she said to me, 'phew, i'm on time! i thought i would be late! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIRL!' :)) for a few seconds, i just stood there , all stunned and pleasantly surprised. i looked at her with my tearful eyes,,,and i gave her a warm smile and a hug. i was so touched, i was so grateful and delighted. ahh she moved my heart totally,can?! someone cares for me...i'm not alone, i realised. i feel blessed to have such a roommate. thank you thank you :)

ohoh!! i bought a webcam! whee-weet!! : )

hmm. there are so many other things to write about that happened in march alone, but i guess i should stop here for now. think i wrote too much. i kinda feel lazy to type out those now too heehee/ am just super busy. really really really busy. i'll continue soon ya?

missing you: ))

a special personal note to friends in the sunny island:

1) wangliang: hehe finally i've updated my blog. :) i am so lucky to have you with me, thank you for taking all my shit sweetly. you're superb!

2) kenneth: haha you sensitive ppb! i'm not angry with you las.lol was just super busy with the portal and e-homework that i kinda neglected you online. sorry dude :) miss you so much!

3) yeongeun: yea, she sucks, girl. dont care about nic and just focus on your o's alright? i'm praying for you every night! believe in yourself and be confident. and remember to pray and seek God for guidance, He will help you and He will always be there to strengthen you.

4) alan: ahh you are attached now!! hahaa no more singlehood, be good to her:) i'm happy you went your way, and found the light that is brighter and warmer. oh and i am sorry, alan. i took such a long time to update my blog lol.

5) pl-lites: heyhey!!! miss you girls so much! ilona, i was wondering how your scholarship thing went. bet you got in aye!! :)) take care alright?

6) matu boy: army seems to be tiring you down hell loads and giving you much stress. be strong and think of your good and pretty friend gayeong when you feel weak, that will make you powerful. heh, God loves you, God bless you,pal.

7) leon: haha i checked out leon.blogspot.com..really thought it was your blog la! bummer!! lol you always bring laughter into my life.

8) hanyi: sorry, i over-reacted. i'm happy for you both and from the bottom of my heart, you guys have my blessings. i miss you, bro.

9)nadia: my love! hehe i miss you so much! are you doing fine in new zealand??

10)waysi and kat: where art thou?

11) peishan, cailin, zhencong, jireh, junming, pengjuay, munting, lee han: argh!! i'll reply your mails soon!!! hehe thank you so much for writing tho. xiexie ni so much.

its april fool's day! :))

yonsei :)

2006-02-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

heh this is my school :)
i'm loving it!

she's a spoiltbrat-

2006-02-10T21:11:00.000+08:00

valentines' day's in 4 days time...

***

and here's a list of

WHAT I WANT FOR V-DAY 2006 :

1) lots of candies and chocolates! (merci/ferrero roche's the best!!)

-my no.1 favourite things!

2) a phonecall from the 'hello-panda man' :)

-i miss him so.

3) free pizzas at Mr.Pizza or the Pizza Hut
-my no.2 fav thing!

4) a free entry to Seoul Lotte World/Everland
-i feel like screaming, just feel like it.

5) free international calls available
-ai won two koal ALL mai fwens

6) dinner with my UIC friends :))
-perhaps after the orientation,
the teachers would treat the students.

i would greatly appreciate that. thank you.

7) free movie tickets
-there've been lotsa new nice korean movies coming up lately.

don't even mind watching alone.

8) hugs and kisses from my cousins
-my lil monstors will definitely make my day! x)

9) a call from my sis and mr.yang
-two of my most significant people in my life.

i'm thinking of you both...miss you guys.

10) an email from my ex or rather, have the courage to mail him
-is he doing fine?
hope we'll end this cold war soon,
and hope we'll be friends,
as close as we were then.

sigh. sorry if i'm hoping for the hopeless.

***
-just some wishful thots-

\\\\\\\may there be lots of love around you on valentines' day... ///////

snow **

2006-02-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

it snowed today.
a white day...it's so beautiful.

my uncle's place is near some small hill, about the height of Mt.Faber. woke up by a call from my dad in the morning and when i looked out the window, my eyes almost popped out. my gosh! the ugly brown insignificant woody hill was completely covered in snow! man!! it was like a white dome, so peaceful and romantic...it was as if all the white pigeons in the world have gathered on the hill, and as if they're singing together in harmony with the lyrics that go: 'O Peace, Hail to the king above. O Peace is here!' . yepps, i was able to feel the calming christmas-atmosphere once again lol.

ironically i also thought of 'NARNIA' the movie and the evil snow queen(the white witch). hehe, can you imagine? you stay close to the snow queen, how cool's that??!! crap. :pPPPpppPPppPppp

been touring around seoul with my cousin lately. seoul's cool, i'm slowly adjusting to the place and i'm beginning to like this place. thankfully...

how're you doing, my friends? i miss you loads.

p.s: hee btw, i have a mobile phone! if there's anything urgent, just call me ya! (but mind you, international call's quite expensive heh :p) it's 010-2027-3207. so if you want to call from s'pore or wherever, you're supposed to dial 001-82(korea's country code)-(take out the zero at the front)10-2027-3207 :) YEP!

:) ahhh

2006-01-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

ahhh its been a tiring one week. super busy. been travelling all around korea to visit my relatives. they are all spreaded out from one corner to the other corner of korea, and my parents and i had to use the train/ bus/ taxi ...all sorts of transport system to catch up with them. was draining but ahh, it was worth all the trouble, my relatives were really warm and welcoming.:) heehee- they love me! x)my parents and i had a wonderful time at all the different houses. ohoh, and it's freezing cold here. haha zerooo degreee celcius. not as cold as china, but yea, it's still cold! brrrrr...:////

after all the travelling, i'm here now in seoul at my uncle's place with my aunt, elder cousin and 2 little kido cousins. yep, i do miss my parents now that they've left, and i feel lonely sometimes, but its still manageable with the 2 little boyeesss. cute lovely fellas. tho they're kinda irritating at times with all the noises they make(lol), they make me smile, make me laugh and make me all jolly and young at heart. awesome lil monsters! oh shhhhh!!! i have a secret to tell. sometimes i hide away from my aunt and my uncle so that they won't catch me pinching them hard on their cheek till they scream and cry. eheeehee sadistic, i know, but they're just so so so so so so cute! haha eeeyerrrr so cute!!! :PppPPPpppPp

he's the younger one :)

woo, check out his 'pinch-my-face' look!

will be staying here till i confirm my place at the dorm. hope i'll get a place there. gonna tour around seoul and learn more about the culture with my elder cousin from next week onwards. wooo! and next weekend, i'm going down to the countryside to spend the new year with my grandmas and grandpop! whee-weet! haha my first chinese new year with my relatives, with my mama's and papa's big big big family!! better go and ask my uncle for the names of the cousins, aunts and uncles, of those whose names i've forgotten. can't wait! its gonna be grand and yay! lotsa money's waiting for me! lol.

ahh i'm doing fine, my friends in S'pore, don't worry about me ya. well yep i'm kinda worried about my uni life which is going to start in march, but i'm sure i'll do just fine with your prayers and concerns. thank you all for the love. yea, THE LOVE~~~.wooo :)

i miss you guys so much...

p.s: to all those friends who came down on saturday to personally see me off, thank you so much! :) i was so touched that evening...you have no idea how grateful i was. the prayers, the hugs, the tears and everything else. you guys are terrific! THANKEW! *hugglepoo. lurve yooo awwwl!

God knew He'd be busy with billions of people in this earth.

so He decided to send His angels from above to help Him out a lil.
Angels in disguise. yep, they are all around us.

and i see the angels in you, my friends. :)

fourteenth jan

2006-01-12T14:16:00.000+08:00

wo yao zou le.
2 more days and i'm off to start a new chapter of my life...
in korea, in uni.:)
excited. scared. nervous. yep yep.

been meeting up with most of my friends lately.
sec school friends, pb friends, leo friends, carecubs friends, jap classmates, close friends, and of course, my best friends like jireh and all. like always, they made me feel extremely special and i'm touched to realise that i have such precious and marvellous friends in my life. it's a pity that i have to leave too soon when i still have many more friends to meet up with. some are in the army, some are busy with work, some are just out of reach.

i'm going to miss you all, my friends. all of you. every single one of you.
i won't forget the things we did together and we'll stay in touch. i promise i'll make the effort, and i hope you will too. we'll see each other sometime soon k? come what may, i won't forget you guys.i love you all! yayy! :)

p.s: these are the flight details for this saturday. you don't have to send me off or what, it's alright, but pls do pray for me that the flight i'ld be taking will bring me to korea safely :) thankew.
*14th jan
*11.15p.m flight
*Asiana Airlines
*OZ 752

stay in touch ya!
DAO ME , AND I WILL PERSONALLY MURDER YOU ALIVE!

new houseee

2006-01-09T12:01:00.000+08:00

my parents decided to sell our house at hougang and rent a house at serangoon. had some arguments with my parents over this matter since months ago tho. my parents told me i don't really have the part to play in the decision making cos i'm leaving anyway(diao;;;but yea, its true), but I didn't want to move cos i love my hougang home so much. really very much. it's cosy, small, clean, simple and i have lotsa memories to look back on.

lots and lots of good ol' memories...
the frequent woodbridge tours, close friends' visits, doolie, O'levels and A'levels period, dengue fever, the sofa, the bed, the rooms, studies, the results, the graffiti on the wall that my sis and i did to measure our heights, cousins and family, tears and sharing, fights and quarrels, first kiss, hugs, pals, hougang gym, regent ville, pepper chicken rice, western meal...ahh so so many things.

well, my parents are right. i'm going back and i don't really have any say in it lol. mean parents :) it's alright. but i'll do come by and visit my old home and the neighbourhood whenever i come back to singapore in the future. especially the-road-to-woodbridge and the woodbridge itself. i'm going to miss you, [hougang ave 9 blk924 #12-66]. lol. personification of my home sweet home? sirname: hougang ave 9 . last name: #12-66. middle name: blk 924;;; hahahaha crazy yep.

my new add?
its: no.145 Jade #11-06, SpringBloom s(556122)

would you send me some letters please?? :)

the army

2006-01-05T02:07:00.000+08:00

hmm almost all my male/gay friends are entering army this week. kinda makes me feel sad and gloomy. feel like they're going into some dung-hole and i won't be able to see them ever again. hmm...

the army.
army is bad, actually. yea, bad!
it plunges all the guys into a state of deprivation...no girls, no yummy food, but just suntanning, ruggedness-building and erm becoming bian-tais? due to female deprivation?;; lol.i don't know, just a wild guess and an unreasonable perception of it.

well, hope we'll all stay in touch eh.
don't just learn about the 'fight kill' spirit but learn some valuable lessons like brotherhood, teamwork and sacrifice ya? you're going to be great men!! err, hopefully. woots! lol.

all the best, guys! :)

happy new year!

2006-01-02T03:01:00.000+08:00

haha 2006 is here!

the parting song

2005-12-30T04:26:00.000+08:00

in our lives, many people come and go.

whenever some left, i was always so hurt and devastated.
i would break down and cry as if there's no tomorrow.
i would blame those who left,
and hate them for leaving.

but over the years of healing,
i've come to learn that
not all flowers bloom...
not all flowers bloom...

it's alright that you left.
i'm glad you came to visit my life anyway.
you taught me to be strong.
and thanks to you, i have become stronger.

i'll always keep those memories of us.
the bittersweet memories of us.
i wish you'll keep me in your memories too.
this is the only thing i ask of you.

it's time we both realise that our path is separate.
you go your way, i will not follow.
i will not follow, not anymore.
goodbye, my friend.

we'll be fine.:)

wo hui lai le!

2005-12-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

i'm back!
:) merry belated-christmas to y'all!

my 5 days spent in china was like a dream. a dream so marvellous and sweet! :) with loadsa care and love from the wang family, i was able to survive through the super cooold weather heh.love them to bits! they made me feel like i'm part of the family, and i felt so welcomed.they're simply great!!

20th dec
shenyang. a small town with many many people. heard that its one of the coldest place in china. it was indeed very cold, but i still loved the chilling sensation the weather gave me. lol :) yea, sensational, it was. when i got to beijing at about 4pm after the 6 hrs-flight from Singapore, i met liang and yuan yuan. yuan yuan is wangliang's cousin and she's 5 years older than i am. heh they got me warm clothes to change into and they got me a cute but huge green zhang-yu soft-toy.so sweet of them :) went to have dinner with yy's friend in beijing at korean bbq restaurant. learnt some chinese dining-manners from wangliang. went shopping for awhile, then took an overnight-train from beijing to shenyang. the train's something that couldn't be found in Singapore (DUH lol) it's big, it's warm, it travels 8 long hours, and the coolest thing about it is that it's got beds! BEDS! haha.one for each person. i didn't really made use of the bed cos spent the whole night talking to liang...haha. a super cool experience!

21st dec
reached shenyang. took a cab and went to wang's house. small cosy flat. met yy's mum, granny, wangliang's mum, dad and gugu. they're all warm and smiley people. hehe asked me gozillions of questions like what i'm going to do in uni, what my parents do, why i've been in singapore, how i know wangliang, do i feel cold, etc etc etc etc. :) curious family lol. i got to use wangliang's room and liang got kicked out of his room and had to use the guest room. his parents're just too nice to me. heh, sorry wangliang! your parents love me more than they love you! heehee; just kidding. liang downloaded 'the nightmare before christmas'. we watched it, and rested the whole day.

22nd dec
heh went shopping and took neoprints! :) the china-style neoprint is so fascinating! lol, its computerised, and unique! and it's cheap! watched 'the promise' with liang and had dinner with 4 of his primary school friends. went to kbox after that, and we had so much fun! i sang kai bu liao kou;; again. the only chinese song i know how to sing, thanks to chinhoe lol.

23rd dec
forbidden city, here i come! haha went to some historic place in shenyang and took loadsa pics there.it was exceptionally cold that day. had dinner with yy, liang and wangliang's parents at a famous dumpling restaurant. tried pumpkin soup and it was delicioussss!! haha lovely! heh parents offered me some red wine, so i drank a few cups. it was yummy too! lol after dinner,wangliang's parents brought me to a supermart and got me a pair of winter shoes :) again, i have to say.. THEY ARE SUPER NICE PEOPLE! tao yan~~ lol. we went back home, got changed, sat on the sofa and chatted together. liang had to translate almost everything that his parents and i conversed. hee, a great translator-to-be!

24th dec
christmas eve. went out with wangliang alone today. first time. hee :) the city was super filled with human-beings, all so lovey dovey. oh right. it's xmas eve. went shoppping for about 4 hours, we didn't buy much tho.i bought my mum a nice womanly bag, and liang bought me two sweaters that i like. after shopping, we went to have a candlelight dinner(lol) at the papa's. the atmosphere was super romantic and lovely, with dim lights and a man personally playing guitar and singing all sorts of love songs for the couples in the restaurant. ordered 2 bottles of wine and i drank most of it. lol. got drunk;; should have controlled eh? think i gave wangliang a hell load of headache lol. couldn't remember what i did tho, wangliang said i was a nuisance and i talked nonsense when i was drunk. mmmm...i wonder what lil drunkard lady could have done...i have no idea.>.< color="#33ffff">

25th dec
called the ticketing office to confirm the date i'ld be returning home. things got complicated and i was given only 2 options, leave on 25th dec or 4th jan/ or pay 200++bucks more to leave on the day i planned. dang, i had no choice but to leave on christmas. so sudden! sigh was super sad that i had to leave early, but it was better than leaving on the 4th Jan-my work starts on 2nd Jan, and i wanted to spend the new year with my family members.:( quickly packed my bag and prepared to leave. wangliang's parents gave me lotsa chinese sweets and foodstuff for me to bring back to share with my family members. lol they're always so caring. went to have a quick dinner at yoshinoya, bought a coat and then headed to shenyang airport. fly fly fly...i flew back to singapore.

good bye china!!

auntie, uncle, gugu, jiejie n wangliang...thank you for everything.
i'm gonna miss you all!

sigh, i am missing them already... :(

ssshhheeeett

2005-12-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

the date's postponed to 20th dec! it's not 19th dec.
STUPID VISA! arghhhh!!!!

i'm flying on the 20th. i can't wait. :)

i believe :)

2005-12-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

phew :)

just had a long nice chat with sarah online. it was strange talking to someone whom i don't really know, but i loved it anyway. gave me a chance to get to know her better and listen to her problems.:) after talking about a few general stuff, she confided in me regarding her struggles and the duress she's going through.

sarah's a pretty girl with a sweet and lovely nature, but with an extremely fragile heart. she's like a stalk of lil pink rose, easily swaying even to the slightest breeze that brushes pass her. she seems like she's lost hope and faith, and she's now helpless and pessimistic. not knowing what to hold on to, what to do, and she seems to think that the future ahead with him is bleak. she's confused and hurt. sigh, poor darling girl...u know, i terribly wish i could fly to china right now and give you a warm big 'it's ok'-hug.

***

dear sarah,
be strong! all i can tell you now is that, he loves u dearly, and he's sworn to be faithful. he told me this a gozillion times, i must say. don't give up and hang in there alright? he's a nice guy, you know that. he's worth your time and love, dear. don't be pessimistic. it's time you should stop wondering about all the 'what-if's and 'if not's, but instead, think more happy and positive thoughts! like 'we can do this together! i'm gonna bite my lips and face this with fearlessness!'...unrealistic, u say? ahh it all depends on how you look at it,my dear i don't think it's unrealistic. 'impossible is nothing'- this is so true indeed! love works wonders and the power of love is inexplicably marvellous and great. you two will settle down some day, wait for that day, dream of that day. believeing takes time, but believing brings happenings of what you two ought to have together. try to think of the bright days ahead of the dark time now.:)

jia you, ms.zhang! i believe in you both, i hope you will do so too.
i'll be praying for you and him, sarah.

-long-distance relationship.

why is it always so tough and pain-staking? sigh.
dear God papa, please give my friends lots of strength and tonnes and tonnes of hope. and do help them and guide them through.

they need you, Father.-

c h i n a, here i come!!

2005-12-15T10:13:00.000+08:00

heh, i'm going to china on monday! : ) yayayayyy!

i have 2 weeks xmas and new year break, and i thought i should make use of the hols and visit my friend in china, and maybe tour around a small, 'super cold' town in china - shenyang!
yayayyy! heh it's going to be my first time taking the plane alone, touring alone and experiencing snow! yay! xue! snow! i'm soo sooooo sooooo excited!

parents' were against the idea of me going to china at first but with my effective evasive skills(?) and persuasive nature(??), i managed to soften them into jellies and get my way through lol. thank you mama, papa for letting me go. i promise i'll take good care of myself, eat well, keep warm, see many things and have an educational trip. oh, and i promise to call every night! haha ai lurve yoooo bouf sho machee!

ohoh this, i shouldn't forget! my gratitude towards the WANG family!!
thanks to them, i get to stay over at their place and they say that i'll be well taken care of. thank you, wang family! thank you so much for giving me this great 'opportunity' to visit china. woots! you guys rock! :)

hmm the worrying thing now is the CLOTHES. i don't have any winter clothes and i don't have time to go shoppping. i guess i'll just have to borrow them from my friends or sth. hopefully i'll find sm friends who've gone to cold cold countries. argh can't wait! can't wait can't wait!

4 more days and i'm off!

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!! x)

(confession: hmm to some people , i told them that i am going with my family or bunch of other friends. well, nah nah. truth be told, i'm going alone! :) sorry, to some of you, i just had to tell you otherwise and pls dont ask me why. el magnifico,esp you.hope you would understand when you get to know the truth)

twelff dec.12/12

2005-12-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

twelff dec is a special day.

1) 23rd Leo Bod's day
this is our day. the twelve of us. OUR DAY! haha..its a day when the bod promised to meet up every year so as to keep in touch and keep our friendship strong and growing. come what may, we have to meet. but this year, it was a bummer- some were in the army,some were busy with work,some were just sleeping at home, so we couldn't meet up. hopefully when we finally settle down with our lives, we'll meet up as we have vowed on our hand-over day. :) i'm sure that day will come.lol, self- assurance. 23rd BOD: one great family- bunch of eleven great people, you guys are the ones who made my jc life truly fulling and interesting.

keeliang/ cailin/ peishan/ arthur/ joyce/ yenmei/ pengjuay/ stanley/ junming/ michelle. i love you all and will miss you guys to bits and toes! whee! :)

one lovely family- friends forever! :)

2) first day at work(at Fed Ex.)
whee!!! i finally got a job and i started working today. was so excited about working and finally becoming a responsible young adult(?) that i couldn't sleep the night before. haha. throughout the night, i thought of the boss and the colleagues- wondered what kind of people they would be, and was afraid that i might come across some old chee-ko-pek in the office who could possibly prey on me and harm me..lala.lol wild and crazy imagination i had for myself. oh, and i was worried sick that i would be late...again! i'm super impunctual and i am always late for sth. there's nothing to be proud of but yea, knowing my weakest weakness is not so bad eh? realisation is the beginning of change. :p and knowing that i become helpless when it comes to punctuality, wangliang gave me a wake up call in the morning and my mum helped me along by pinching me shaking me and pulling me off my bed. thank you both. thank you *bows. eh working was both fun and boring though. fun cos it's a new experience, but boring because i have to do the same thing over and over again lol. but no complaints! the pay's great and i'm loving it haha. gonna save up the money so that me can go china and visit my friends there. whee! and maybe go for erm..plastic surgery? wahahaha, kidding. yikes!!! the idea of slicing off my skin and bones gross me out totally. SERIOUSLY:/ heh anyway, i gotta thank peishan for introducing me to the job. thank you babe! :)

3) first day that i have come to know that he's so sincere. he wants me there. hmmm.

4) first day that i thought yellow top suits me.

yep. 12/12/05.
oh! and its the day matu and hakliang left for OBS at korea! lol. hope they'll return home safely.

tomorrow will be a better day!
happy working!! :)

arghh!

2005-12-11T19:06:00.000+08:00

i just got a hee-disease.
some mental disease, madness-causing viral thingy, it's just inexplicable.
blame it all to boredom.

"heeheeeeheee. am i very long-winded? haha i think i am tho.
heehee~ my recent entries are all so so long. i can't really stand it myself too.
heeheehee and i wonder how u can stand. hmm. hee.

hee.
to those people who read my blog, bear with me pls?? :) hee.
hee. can't help it la.
hee. hee.

hee."

I AM SOOOO BORED.
SHOOT ME.

God papa n My path

2005-12-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

darice n keeliang invited me over to the service at city harvest church. they held the service at the expo hall 8 for the first time and it was rather a grand opening :)

as usual, the place was filled with super-duper many people, and they were mostly all enthusiastic and hyper. chc people are a bunch of happy people i think. strong believers with extreme faith, that's something i admire- as a christian myself, i hope to be like them soon. i haven't really been in touch with this kind of high spirit,so at first it was a lil awkward for me to blend in to such an atmosphere. keeliang introduced me to the cell group members and i slowly broke the ice within me. praise and worship started and i loved it. i was slowing getting used to it. there were a few familar songs and i sang till my throat got soar and painful ahhh. kind of reminded me of those days in plmgss, those beautiful days when i was so involved in christian ministry and when i was so sure that i was indeed God's beloved daughter. am i still his beloved daughter? :)

today's service was great.
excellent lesson, it has taught me. it moved me so much. i never felt like this for such a long time, i felt as tho God was knocking on the door of my heart and i felt so happy after the speech- it was like 'wowwweeee!! i feel so damn good la!!' haha. probably it's because i'm under sm tremendous amount of pressure and stress, and i'm worried about my future and all.what the pastor said was all so pleasing to the ears and comforting.

the sermon was about fear and uncertainty.
faith will pull us through, and those who fear will not go far. fear robs us from our talent, our potential and our hope, and we shouldn't live in fear. when people sin, the first emotion we encounter would be fear, and we would be afraid of what we have done. fear will take away faith and fear will make us susceptible to satan and the devils around. fear will make us so vulnerable. fear will make us think of failures and fear will make us fail. in my recent post, i said i don't want to get married? actually its because i'm pretty scared of getting married, afraid that my husband would be unfaithful and leave my children and me because of some other person. what if that happens? i would probably just die if that really happens. diaos. hah this is like the worst fear i have in life- but like what the pastor said, we shouldn't fear of what's in front of us, and the failures we would possible face.

yep,as long as we have faith in ourselves and believe that God will be there to walk with us, be confident and as long as we hold our heads up high, things will be just fine. WE CAN MAKE IT, he said. yes, we can. he's right. we all can.:) that was something that i have been wanting to hear for a very long time- some motivation that tells me n wakes me up from the fearsome dream of the untold future, enlightening me that God has planned everything before us and He will guide us to the path we have to take. He will be there and i am so glad that He definitely will be there. leaving my beloved family and friends is one of the most burdening thing in my life right now. never left my family and friends before and i'm so afraid to live all by myself back there in korea. yea sure, i'll make new friends and all and i'll be fine, but the emptiness i would feel-that, i cannot deny, nobody can. i needed the mental strength and i'm glad that God gave it to me tonight. thank you :) yep, i won't be alone! yea! I CAN MAKE IT, I WILL BE FINE! lol

friends out there, do continue to pray for me please?
God bless you all n me richleeee. yayy! :))))))

-happy birthday to you-

after A's- the reality

2005-12-07T15:32:00.000+08:00

thought it was going to be superbly entertaining,
thought it was going to be heavenly,
thought i was going to have sooo much fun...but bummerrr!!
it's plain boring - my life after A's, it sucks. urgh.
guess i had too much expectation huh.

well, went out with my close friends right after A's and caught a few movies together. went shopping with my classmates for about 4 times to get our grad stuff (tho' i only got my gown on the day of grad itself haha.) dyed my hair brown with copper highlight, i look better, dad says. (haha, my dad's treating me like a grown-up? woww.
yea right.)
ahh thats not the point.

05/12/05 the grad-night day
woke up early and started calling the make-up/hair salon for an appointment. i can't do my own make up for nuts, i don't even have the make-up-kit. and needless to say, i can't do anything with my hair. so yea, had to spend my ever-so-precious money on these two things. my mum's heels started to give me such agony by the time i got to Ritz Carlton, it wasn't fitting. phew. the make up done by the artiste was too thick and i didn't like it at all- i was just not happy with everything till i met my friends and got me cheered me up by taking lots and lots of pics with me. whee! gee, my moodswing's terrible, huh?

grad was ok, not as entertaining as i thought it would be. had a few games and the dinner was sucky- one of the worst hotel-food i ever had. i felt like a complete loooooooser when the camera batt when flat after 2 shots. yea, only 2 shots! argh!! what happened? i didn't switch on the power to charge it. how idiotic can i get, stupid me, u say? sure, i know that. x) well this isn't the first time, i'm always stupid haha. had to beg some of my friends to send the pics to me via email or sth. oh well. the retribution of ignorance.

hmmm.
they made me dance, so i did.
they made me walk, so i did.
but what i got in the end was way beyond what i even thought of.
grad queen? never.
never expected to get that title, i never even thought of it. .
gotta thank those friends who cheered for me tho. weiliang said he cheered till his throat went kooo-kooo haha. thank you friends, for cheering for me. i really felt special and i truly felt THE'love'? lol :)

hmm supposed to play tennis with kp today, but he said he has no balls. haha sounds funny tho. kp has NO BALLSS?! okay, thats not funny now.x) hahaha kp's going to tekong tmr- you're becoming a man dude!

life's super super boring. so so so soooo boring.
i'm rotting like nobody's business.
this sucks.

somebody, entertain me pls! :)

since you've been gone,
i was waiting for ur sign.
but u didn't give me any.
guess u're doing okay huh.
i'm happy for you dear.
and maybe this is ur sign,
telling me to move on?
telling me to be strong?

-missing you is a gruesome torture-

funny twinklee *

2005-11-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

haha this is cool :)
super farny. try to sing along and u'll find it super entertaining!!
a great way to make you smile. try! and smile!

lyrics:
oey too-wrinkle too-wrinkle litterler staaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr
hao ayer wunderler wart yu aarrrr
Hao ayer wunderler wart yu aarrrr..

enjoy! x)

girl-talk

2005-11-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

had chem1 today. 60mins of hardcore concentration :/ am glad that at least chem is now completely over and i'm left with bio1 n 2. burn the weekend, and i'm done! yeah! really can't wait for A's to end. arrggh. after A's, i'm so gonna have a good time with my friends before i go back. :) gonna miss all my friends...

went home with halimah today. met her at the bus stop near ping yi sec. and we boarded on 854 together. got to know her through yaupng and also via the miss.new world-thingy during the second orientation. she's a nice girl with a super sweet smile. she's also very nice to talk to. talked about so many things..she somehow allowed me to forget all about the crap things i have been going through. talked about A's, her lit paper, my science papers, maths, ways to kill time after A's, our ambitions, our ideal future. just couldn't stop talking. haha a lil inappropriate, but we also talked about marriage lol. nothing better to talk about. she said she wants to get married and get settled down, and she can't wait to do that. then i thot, and told her i'm quite different from her. told her i love kids, and i love the idea of having my own family, being a responsible role-model to my lil kids, all of which sound marvellous..however. i told her that the idea of marriage doesn't really turn me on. halimah thought i am sm lesbian or something, and thought i'm some horrible heartless creature. nonono- please! i'm no lesbian ok. i'm straight and i do like 'guys' haha but hmm, the idea of having a boyfriend or a husband/ whatever/ any sort of relationship really doesn't turn me on. at least for now, i guess. has my heart ermm..gone emotionless? or am i merely heartless? can't be bothered? too pessimistic? well, if u insist, i might be.

marriage.
i'm 18, and some might think i'm too young and immature to talk about marriage lol. but who cares,i still want to talk about it haha :) well, through a few experiences i had, i realised that commitment/ faith/ trust/ understanding/// is very hard to sustain in a relationship. couples give up so easily with so many excuses they can give..yada yada..even in any simplest sort of a relationship, what more can i look for in marriage? just take a look at the ever increasing divorce rate. lol sounds so GP-ish now, but hey its no joke, and this definitely freaks me out. don't think i can take all the crap things that married couples go through. bleah bleh bleh bleh. everything that happens in a marriage is a blessing in disguise? nah, that's not true. i think marriage itself is an agony in disguise. kewl, i always thought marriage's a beautiful thing when i was young, and i always had(ok, this is quite crazy, but cute i suppose? lol) sweet lil dreams of walking down the aisle with my dadee beside me, with my loved ones seated down at the side benches smiling at me, and with my husband in front of the priest, waiting to hold my hand and take me as who i am. a perfect wishful picture. tada!!! but boy. what has got into me. i don't know why, and since when, i started to have this sort of horrible perception about marriage.

halimah smiled and said i'll get over this bad time soon and my thinking could change, and that i could possibly be the one who would get all excited and crazy over marriage and get married earlier than her. haha :) we'll see how. hopefully, halimah, hopefully what you said, tho in vain, will truly happen. i too sincerely want to believe that there's actually someone out there, somewhere, who'll offer me everlasting beautiful love and trust, and make me feel worthy and special and all. and hopefully it will last.

do you think there's someone for me? hmm.
patience is a virtue yep. i'm gonna wait.

it was great talking to halimah :)

u can't have the best of both worlds.
i am hopeless, ever so hopeless.
no more expectations, i promise.
thank you anw, for everything.
God bless you both endlessly.. :)

i mean these from the bottom of my heart.

hold ur head up high and continue walking, girl.
look up, lift up. Lord's with ya.

you and me :)

2005-11-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

You And Me [Lifehouse]

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why,

I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say

just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why,

I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why,

I can't keep my eyes off of..

you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why,

I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

when i find someone special someday,

i'll sing for him this particular song,

and i'll tell him that i love him so.

eehee lovey lovey whee-weet!

-YOU AND ME-

study

2005-11-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

went to expo to study.
got chased out so went to airport.
mugged with kp, mt and ks.
then at about 4 we got chased out. again. :(

having nowhere else to go, we decided to go home n mug.
**home/ a place where i can never study- super distracting and sleep-inducing. urghh**
so, tho a lil paiseh, i asked them if i can go to their places to mug. mt said its the weekend so her parents would mind, i am not very close to ks, i've only just started to know her hehe. so as my last resort, i asked kp and he called up his parents, and to my surprise they didn't mind.yayy!! i have a proper place to mug!! i felt kinda bad tho, moving around from places to places just to find a condusive place to study.:)

headed down to his place and we went right on with mugging. his parents treated me to changi's some hawker for dinner, came back and mugged again. kp n his brother are cool- seriously!! they're musically talented/ his mum is super caring and nice/ and his dad loves golf. there are videos and books on golf everywhere around the house haha. maybe his dad and my dad could be pals? my dad is a golf-maniac too lol.
the two fat cats are lovely too purrrr!!

mugged and mugged again.. (while the two guys played computer game, his parents were in the living room talking and drinking lol. see i'm hardworking;;; oh whatever. :Pp)

and at about 10 p.m. my parents came to pick me up.
my mum said kp has lost weight. lol. is that so? x) hmm.
today was a rather fruitful day, thanks to kp and his family!!
u guys were great!

peng you

2005-11-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

jireh chua cai yi le.
my best bud since sec.2. tho we hardly keep in touch, he never fails to send me cards/letters/a list of bible verses every exam period. yea EVERY EXAM!! tho a lil belated, i got it again :) his sense of humour's getting better and his encouragements always make me strength to carry on. i'm sincerely grateful. God bless you too, dear friend!

friends in my life.
*pvps pals
*5A/6C
*pl-lites
*1E/2E/3A/4A1
*plpB
*3rd lang, jap
*E5 cluster
*SLC pals
*saints
*tjcians
*35/04
*leos
*church friends
*FedEx colleagues

i am glad that have found myself some really nice friends around me- whom i can depend on, share my problems with, and do crazy things together heeheeehee:) you know who u are, and at this point in time, i would like to have a BIG shout-out to all of you!!

you guys rock my world totally,
and i hope i can rock ur lives as u guys do for mine!!
do count on me, i'll be there:)
God bless and i'll always keep you in my prayers. yayy.

life is beautiful with you around.

honeybunch

2005-11-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

hy, ws and i went to bedok central to have our lunch after the gp paper(kat went home with darryl. duh). gosh, Gp was hell bad, especially the paper 2. it was so unexpected. there always used to be 2 passages and this yr there's 1, the aq question was phrased differently as compared to past years, and the topic they gave us was on erm 'aggression'. weird!?! hmm other papers so far were just so-so. first day's bio and maths ppers.. don't wish to talk about them tho. haha brings back bad memories of one week of terrible experience. urggh! heh 4 more papers to go.yay! hang in there, girl! perservere!!

after lunch, i just didn't feel like going home alone, so ahhaha i kept pestering hy to fetch me home. his hostel's the one at dunman high and bedok-to-hougang-to-dunmun high's like about 3 hours journey. was kinda surprised when he was cool about it and said 'maybe' at first. thought he was going to eat up his own words after 5 mins, but OMG. he didn't! he sent me home. man, so shocking!!! lol. x) was sooooppeeeer touched- 'wo bei mo le', "i was touched", is this right? haha.

talked about his gf and some other stuff on the bus he said i'm always crazy and that in the bus, i was the most hyperactive girl and he said that he was shameful. yada yada whatever. eeheehee.
since it was his 2nd time in hougang n he wasn't familiar with the place, i decided to giv him a tour around hougang n hit the popular place, WOODBRIGE hospital. one unique place in hougang..it's a must-see, i tell you lol. we got there n he got me all pissed with his childishness. he got distracted by this group of 3 'hot' cedarians(wonder why they were there x) n that kinda made me feel invisible and small. idiorrttt. that hy boy also got me irritated when he kept asking me to take off my specs when he once told me that i should never take them off since i don't look good without them. and it was since then, that i swore never to take off my specs in his presence. but this fellow kept whining and whining, and the whining went on and on and on. just to keep his mouth shut for a moment, i gave in to him and i took off my specs. urrgh!

but this time, he tried to flatter me and said i look quite good without it. huh??;;;; he's a true-blue ben dan. double-edged lousy sword.

after walking around woodbridge, i brought him to my place to give him a cup of drink, and to show him my house, lil doolie girl and my sis :) think doolie likes hy. she pee-d the moment she was him lol.(she's a slut. she only pee-s when she sees male-strangers lol) ahhhh. all the weird attractions hy gets- my dog/ the mad man on the bus..yada yada. and yet he claims to be a ladies' man. ha! wakey wake up! :Pp

but yea, hy's charming sometimes. a very dependable, sincere, caring and respectable friend behind his childish and perverted nature. a 85' calling 87s' 'jiejie' - kaikai jiejie for kat, sisi jiejie for waysi and jiajia jiejie for me. he's cute, so the trio call him honeybunch.lol x)

oh well. despite all his nuisances, because honeybunch is my best friend- i try to understand and tolerate him. how kind of me eh? lol. yayy!

he left and i took a nap. haven't been sleeping well for the past week. maybe i shall go read up on chem later : )

*hy n i. on wl's birthday lol :)

out of prison

2005-11-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

i'm not supposed to love you anymore.

was listening to this melancholic song by Brian White and i thought...
how true, i'm not supposed to love him anymore. the 'it's over!! yea, it's over' slogan's been flashing across my head for quite sometime since then.
and this is it. yes this is it. is it?
the end..is it really over?

indifference- this is the beginning of the end, the power that gives me strength, and the hope that gives me faith. its okay now if you don't love me anymore lil darling you, i am alright now.

but i still desperately want to know...
are you being cold, only beacuse you're trying to put up a heartless-front so that it'd be easier for me to forget you? Is this the reason why you, too, insist on being indifferent?
please tell me how you feel. i still need to know.

i think there's nothing wrong with love actually, so we shouldn't blame LOVE if things go wrong cos' love's pure and beautiful- it's innocent and precious. it doesn't deserve all the name-callings.

love's still beautiful to me.
it gave me beautiful memories.
it still gives me hope.
it still touches me through my beloved friends and family.
love is beautiful.
it really is.

special note: alan! : ) thank you for helping me upload all those pics last night. i mean, early morning. really made me feel much better u know. tho it was only temporarily, u still got me out of stress and got me all smiling. you're one of the best pals i ever had. *hugs* tho' i hardly tell u this, i really appreciate you hell loads. friends forever! yay!

31/10/05

2005-10-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

phew! 8 more days to A'levels. i feel so powerless and anxious. damn! never felt so scared about exams in my life before. it's worse than those days just before my O's. i'm so helpless!!

Dear God, please give me the mind of concentration when i study so that i can make full use of the precious time u've given me. i'll do my best, Lord. Lead me and guide me through your way, for i have ample faith in the path u've laid aside for me. I love you, God papa. : ) i'll do you proud. i'll try my very best. oh yes, and Lord, i pray for my friends who are going through the same tough time as i am, please help them too and give them strength and ur healing touch so that they won't feel demoralised or they won't fall ill. again, i love you, Lord!

all these i pray in Jesus name,
Amen.

lost

2005-10-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

i don't know why, but i miss him badly,
probably it's because today is friday, a rather significant day.
its been pretty long since i last saw him.

so i swallowed my pride and asked him if he's free at night.
just asked plainly if he would be free.

obviously. he said he wouldn't be.
expected. fated. oh well :)

yep, another step closer to 'i'm-so-over-you'.
i'm moving on.

but why is the pace so slow..
darn it.

hate - the ugly word

2005-10-28T11:48:00.000+08:00

why do you say that you hate me?
i don't understand.

some people use the phrase 'i hate you' as easily as they shit or dig their noses. i don't like it when people spit out these three words too comfortably. infact, ironically, i HATE it when people say that they hate others. its really not a nice thing to say, and needless to say, never a nice thing to hear - whether or not anyone has done the others wrong. it's a phrase that would eventually bring about much regret and it's sth that would leave a bigggggg, super-painful scar which could probably take a long~~ time to heal. it could even cause no-turning-back when a relationship has torn apart- maybe it wouldn't even bring a glimpse of hope of patching up the broken relationship or friendship if one/both should regret in the future. the word 'hate' is just too powerfully ugly. yikes. the worse thing is, i sometimes come across certain people who just spit out the words and then, pretend or shake it off as if the words were neverrrr spoken out. ahh and they think they are cool. [fake-asses].

i don't know, and i'm not an expert in "anger-management" haha, but those with overflowing rage or angst, or simply have temper, could perhaps resort to activities like 1) trying to explain themselves to the party who supposedly did them wrong in order to solve the misunderstanding, 2) eating lots of chocolates/ ice-creams/ sushi-deal whatever that pleases them, 3) going to karaok perhaps, where they can lock themselves behind the door and have a screeching stress-venting scream or two... or as many times as they want until the voice cracks and the karaok manager kicks them off the box. just a few suggestions? i'm aware that i am in no position to say whether or not hating someone is right or wrong, just like i have no say in the simplest thing like 'can one lie?'. but i still think that the three-words combo [I HATE YOU] is a sickeningly stupid. demeaning. hurting. useless thing to say.

especially when i didn't do ANYTHING wrong to you.

when i get mad at someone, i lock myself in my room and tear a whole stack of newspapers for half an hour. it kinda helps cos' the sound of tearing newspapers makes me feel relieved n good. sounds sadistic but it works lol :)

my first

2005-10-27T06:33:00.000+08:00

woots! this is going to be my first post!
wooooo so exciting! whee!! x)
just like my first cry, first footstep, first dance, first love, first kiss, first hug, first goodbye, first etc..
i feel so..brandnew and all-excited. kinda helps me to get away from the blues that i'm going through right now. ah ha!! grrreat!
always thought blogging's a waste of time n its like a get-a-away to those lonely peeps or introverts who have got nobody to turn to. oh well, a thot for a change, a change for a thot. just thot i wanted to give it a try since i always happen to lose my diary and i'm quite lazy to pen down the many things that are going around in twirls in my super convulated-mega-brain.
hope this will help....my brain be less convulated, somehow? haha. and hope i will be consistent.

happy first posting! :)