31/10/05

phew! 8 more days to A'levels. i feel so powerless and anxious. damn! never felt so scared about exams in my life before. it's worse than those days just before my O's. i'm so helpless!!


Dear God, please give me the mind of concentration when i study so that i can make full use of the precious time u've given me. i'll do my best, Lord. Lead me and guide me through your way, for i have ample faith in the path u've laid aside for me. I love you, God papa. : ) i'll do you proud. i'll try my very best. oh yes, and Lord, i pray for my friends who are going through the same tough time as i am, please help them too and give them strength and ur healing touch so that they won't feel demoralised or they won't fall ill. again, i love you, Lord!

all these i pray in Jesus name,
Amen.

lost

i don't know why, but i miss him badly,
probably it's because today is friday, a rather significant day.
its been pretty long since i last saw him.

so i swallowed my pride and asked him if he's free at night.
just asked plainly if he would be free.

obviously. he said he wouldn't be.
expected. fated. oh well :)

yep, another step closer to 'i'm-so-over-you'.
i'm moving on.

but why is the pace so slow..
darn it.

hate - the ugly word

why do you say that you hate me?
i don't understand.

some people use the phrase 'i hate you' as easily as they shit or dig their noses. i don't like it when people spit out these three words too comfortably. infact, ironically, i HATE it when people say that they hate others. its really not a nice thing to say, and needless to say, never a nice thing to hear - whether or not anyone has done the others wrong. it's a phrase that would eventually bring about much regret and it's sth that would leave a bigggggg, super-painful scar which could probably take a long~~ time to heal. it could even cause no-turning-back when a relationship has torn apart- maybe it wouldn't even bring a glimpse of hope of patching up the broken relationship or friendship if one/both should regret in the future. the word 'hate' is just too powerfully ugly. yikes. the worse thing is, i sometimes come across certain people who just spit out the words and then, pretend or shake it off as if the words were neverrrr spoken out. ahh and they think they are cool. [fake-asses].

i don't know, and i'm not an expert in "anger-management" haha, but those with overflowing rage or angst, or simply have temper, could perhaps resort to activities like 1) trying to explain themselves to the party who supposedly did them wrong in order to solve the misunderstanding, 2) eating lots of chocolates/ ice-creams/ sushi-deal whatever that pleases them, 3) going to karaok perhaps, where they can lock themselves behind the door and have a screeching stress-venting scream or two... or as many times as they want until the voice cracks and the karaok manager kicks them off the box. just a few suggestions? i'm aware that i am in no position to say whether or not hating someone is right or wrong, just like i have no say in the simplest thing like 'can one lie?'. but i still think that the three-words combo [I HATE YOU] is a sickeningly stupid. demeaning. hurting. useless thing to say.

especially when i didn't do ANYTHING wrong to you.


when i get mad at someone, i lock myself in my room and tear a whole stack of newspapers for half an hour. it kinda helps cos' the sound of tearing newspapers makes me feel relieved n good. sounds sadistic but it works lol :)

my first

woots! this is going to be my first post!
wooooo so exciting! whee!! x)
just like my first cry, first footstep, first dance, first love, first kiss, first hug, first goodbye, first etc..
i feel so..brandnew and all-excited. kinda helps me to get away from the blues that i'm going through right now. ah ha!! grrreat!
always thought blogging's a waste of time n its like a get-a-away to those lonely peeps or introverts who have got nobody to turn to. oh well, a thot for a change, a change for a thot. just thot i wanted to give it a try since i always happen to lose my diary and i'm quite lazy to pen down the many things that are going around in twirls in my super convulated-mega-brain.
hope this will help....my brain be less convulated, somehow? haha. and hope i will be consistent.

happy first posting! :)