had chem1 today. 60mins of
hardcore concentration :/ am glad that at least chem is now completely over and i'm left with bio1 n 2. burn the weekend, and i'm done! yeah! really can't wait for A's to end. arrggh. after A's, i'm so gonna have a good time with my friends before i go back. :) gonna miss all my friends...
went home with halimah today. met her at the bus stop near ping yi sec. and we boarded on 854 together. got to know her through yaupng and also via the miss.new world-thingy during the second orientation. she's a nice girl with a super sweet smile. she's also very nice to talk to. talked about so many things..she somehow allowed me to forget all about the crap things i have been going through. talked about A's, her lit paper, my science papers, maths, ways to kill time after A's, our ambitions, our ideal future. just couldn't stop talking. haha a lil inappropriate, but we also talked about marriage lol. nothing better to talk about. she said she wants to get married and get settled down, and she can't wait to do that. then i thot, and told her i'm quite different from her. told her i love kids, and i love the idea of having my own family, being a responsible role-model to my lil kids, all of which sound marvellous..however. i told her that the idea of marriage doesn't really turn me on. halimah thought i am sm lesbian or something, and thought i'm some horrible heartless creature. nonono- please! i'm no lesbian ok. i'm straight and i do like 'guys' haha but hmm, the idea of having a boyfriend or a husband/ whatever/ any sort of relationship really doesn't turn me on. at least for now, i guess. has my heart ermm..gone emotionless? or am i merely heartless? can't be bothered? too pessimistic? well, if u insist, i might be.
marriage.
i'm 18, and some might think i'm too young and immature to talk about marriage lol. but who cares,i still want to talk about it haha :) well, through a few experiences i had, i realised that commitment/ faith/ trust/ understanding/// is very hard to sustain in a relationship. couples give up so easily with so many excuses they can give..yada yada..even in any simplest sort of a relationship, what more can i look for in marriage? just take a look at the ever increasing divorce rate. lol sounds so GP-ish now, but hey its no joke, and this definitely freaks me out. don't think i can take all the crap things that married couples go through. bleah bleh bleh bleh. everything that happens in a marriage is a blessing in disguise? nah, that's not true. i think marriage itself is an agony in disguise. kewl, i always thought marriage's a beautiful thing when i was young, and i always had(ok, this is quite crazy, but cute i suppose? lol) sweet lil dreams of walking down the aisle with my dadee beside me, with my loved ones seated down at the side benches smiling at me, and with my husband in front of the priest, waiting to hold my hand and take me as who i am. a perfect wishful picture. tada!!! but boy. what has got into me. i don't know why, and since when, i started to have this sort of horrible perception about marriage.
halimah smiled and said i'll get over this bad time soon and my thinking could change, and that i could possibly be the one who would get all excited and crazy over marriage and get married earlier than her. haha :) we'll see how. hopefully, halimah, hopefully what you said, tho in vain, will truly happen. i too sincerely want to believe that there's actually
someone out there, somewhere, who'll offer me everlasting beautiful love and trust, and make me feel worthy and special and all. and hopefully it will last.
do you think there's someone for me? hmm.
patience is a virtue yep. i'm gonna wait.
it was great talking to halimah :)
u can't have the best of both worlds.
i am hopeless, ever so hopeless.
no more expectations, i promise.thank you anw, for everything.
God bless you both endlessly.. :)
i mean these from the bottom of my heart.hold ur head up high and continue walking, girl.
look up, lift up. Lord's with ya.
