the parting song

in our lives, many people come and go.

whenever some left, i was always so hurt and devastated.
i would break down and cry as if there's no tomorrow.
i would blame those who left,
and hate them for leaving.

but over the years of healing,
i've come to learn that
not all flowers bloom...
not all flowers bloom...

it's alright that you left.
i'm glad you came to visit my life anyway.
you taught me to be strong.
and thanks to you, i have become stronger.

i'll always keep those memories of us.
the bittersweet memories of us.
i wish you'll keep me in your memories too.
this is the only thing i ask of you.

it's time we both realise that our path is separate.
you go your way, i will not follow.
i will not follow, not anymore.
goodbye, my friend.

we'll be fine.:)

wo hui lai le!

i'm back!
:) merry belated-christmas to y'all!

my 5 days spent in china was like a dream. a dream so marvellous and sweet! :) with loadsa care and love from the wang family, i was able to survive through the super cooold weather heh.love them to bits! they made me feel like i'm part of the family, and i felt so welcomed.they're simply great!!

20th dec
shenyang. a small town with many many people. heard that its one of the coldest place in china. it was indeed very cold, but i still loved the chilling sensation the weather gave me. lol :) yea, sensational, it was. when i got to beijing at about 4pm after the 6 hrs-flight from Singapore, i met liang and yuan yuan. yuan yuan is wangliang's cousin and she's 5 years older than i am. heh they got me warm clothes to change into and they got me a cute but huge green zhang-yu soft-toy.so sweet of them :) went to have dinner with yy's friend in beijing at korean bbq restaurant. learnt some chinese dining-manners from wangliang. went shopping for awhile, then took an overnight-train from beijing to shenyang. the train's something that couldn't be found in Singapore (DUH lol) it's big, it's warm, it travels 8 long hours, and the coolest thing about it is that it's got beds! BEDS! haha.one for each person. i didn't really made use of the bed cos spent the whole night talking to liang...haha. a super cool experience!

21st dec
reached shenyang. took a cab and went to wang's house. small cosy flat. met yy's mum, granny, wangliang's mum, dad and gugu. they're all warm and smiley people. hehe asked me gozillions of questions like what i'm going to do in uni, what my parents do, why i've been in singapore, how i know wangliang, do i feel cold, etc etc etc etc. :) curious family lol. i got to use wangliang's room and liang got kicked out of his room and had to use the guest room. his parents're just too nice to me. heh, sorry wangliang! your parents love me more than they love you! heehee; just kidding. liang downloaded 'the nightmare before christmas'. we watched it, and rested the whole day.

22nd dec
heh went shopping and took neoprints! :) the china-style neoprint is so fascinating! lol, its computerised, and unique! and it's cheap! watched 'the promise' with liang and had dinner with 4 of his primary school friends. went to kbox after that, and we had so much fun! i sang kai bu liao kou;; again. the only chinese song i know how to sing, thanks to chinhoe lol.

23rd dec
forbidden city, here i come! haha went to some historic place in shenyang and took loadsa pics there.it was exceptionally cold that day. had dinner with yy, liang and wangliang's parents at a famous dumpling restaurant. tried pumpkin soup and it was delicioussss!! haha lovely! heh parents offered me some red wine, so i drank a few cups. it was yummy too! lol after dinner,wangliang's parents brought me to a supermart and got me a pair of winter shoes :) again, i have to say.. THEY ARE SUPER NICE PEOPLE! tao yan~~ lol. we went back home, got changed, sat on the sofa and chatted together. liang had to translate almost everything that his parents and i conversed. hee, a great translator-to-be!

24th dec
christmas eve. went out with wangliang alone today. first time. hee :) the city was super filled with human-beings, all so lovey dovey. oh right. it's xmas eve. went shoppping for about 4 hours, we didn't buy much tho.i bought my mum a nice womanly bag, and liang bought me two sweaters that i like. after shopping, we went to have a candlelight dinner(lol) at the papa's. the atmosphere was super romantic and lovely, with dim lights and a man personally playing guitar and singing all sorts of love songs for the couples in the restaurant. ordered 2 bottles of wine and i drank most of it. lol. got drunk;; should have controlled eh? think i gave wangliang a hell load of headache lol. couldn't remember what i did tho, wangliang said i was a nuisance and i talked nonsense when i was drunk. mmmm...i wonder what lil drunkard lady could have done...i have no idea.>.< color="#33ffff">

25th dec
called the ticketing office to confirm the date i'ld be returning home. things got complicated and i was given only 2 options, leave on 25th dec or 4th jan/ or pay 200++bucks more to leave on the day i planned. dang, i had no choice but to leave on christmas. so sudden! sigh was super sad that i had to leave early, but it was better than leaving on the 4th Jan-my work starts on 2nd Jan, and i wanted to spend the new year with my family members.:( quickly packed my bag and prepared to leave. wangliang's parents gave me lotsa chinese sweets and foodstuff for me to bring back to share with my family members. lol they're always so caring. went to have a quick dinner at yoshinoya, bought a coat and then headed to shenyang airport. fly fly fly...i flew back to singapore.

good bye china!!



auntie, uncle, gugu, jiejie n wangliang...thank you for everything.
i'm gonna miss you all!

sigh, i am missing them already... :(

ssshhheeeett

the date's postponed to 20th dec! it's not 19th dec.
STUPID VISA! arghhhh!!!!

i'm flying on the 20th. i can't wait. :)

i believe :)

phew :)

just had a long nice chat with sarah online. it was strange talking to someone whom i don't really know, but i loved it anyway. gave me a chance to get to know her better and listen to her problems.:) after talking about a few general stuff, she confided in me regarding her struggles and the duress she's going through.

sarah's a pretty girl with a sweet and lovely nature, but with an extremely fragile heart. she's like a stalk of lil pink rose, easily swaying even to the slightest breeze that brushes pass her. she seems like she's lost hope and faith, and she's now helpless and pessimistic. not knowing what to hold on to, what to do, and she seems to think that the future ahead with him is bleak. she's confused and hurt. sigh, poor darling girl...u know, i terribly wish i could fly to china right now and give you a warm big 'it's ok'-hug.

***

dear sarah,
be strong! all i can tell you now is that, he loves u dearly, and he's sworn to be faithful. he told me this a gozillion times, i must say. don't give up and hang in there alright? he's a nice guy, you know that. he's worth your time and love, dear. don't be pessimistic. it's time you should stop wondering about all the 'what-if's and 'if not's, but instead, think more happy and positive thoughts! like 'we can do this together! i'm gonna bite my lips and face this with fearlessness!'...unrealistic, u say? ahh it all depends on how you look at it,my dear i don't think it's unrealistic. 'impossible is nothing'- this is so true indeed! love works wonders and the power of love is inexplicably marvellous and great. you two will settle down some day, wait for that day, dream of that day. believeing takes time, but believing brings happenings of what you two ought to have together. try to think of the bright days ahead of the dark time now.:)

jia you, ms.zhang! i believe in you both, i hope you will do so too.
i'll be praying for you and him, sarah.


-long-distance relationship.

why is it always so tough and pain-staking? sigh.
dear God papa, please give my friends lots of strength and tonnes and tonnes of hope. and do help them and guide them through.

they need you, Father.-

c h i n a, here i come!!

heh, i'm going to china on monday! : ) yayayayyy!

i have 2 weeks xmas and new year break, and i thought i should make use of the hols and visit my friend in china, and maybe tour around a small, 'super cold' town in china - shenyang!
yayayyy! heh it's going to be my first time taking the plane alone, touring alone and experiencing snow! yay! xue! snow! i'm soo sooooo sooooo excited!

parents' were against the idea of me going to china at first but with my effective evasive skills(?) and persuasive nature(??), i managed to soften them into jellies and get my way through lol. thank you mama, papa for letting me go. i promise i'll take good care of myself, eat well, keep warm, see many things and have an educational trip. oh, and i promise to call every night! haha ai lurve yoooo bouf sho machee!

ohoh this, i shouldn't forget! my gratitude towards the WANG family!!
thanks to them, i get to stay over at their place and they say that i'll be well taken care of. thank you, wang family! thank you so much for giving me this great 'opportunity' to visit china. woots! you guys rock! :)

hmm the worrying thing now is the CLOTHES. i don't have any winter clothes and i don't have time to go shoppping. i guess i'll just have to borrow them from my friends or sth. hopefully i'll find sm friends who've gone to cold cold countries. argh can't wait! can't wait can't wait!

4 more days and i'm off!

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!! x)

(confession: hmm to some people , i told them that i am going with my family or bunch of other friends. well, nah nah. truth be told, i'm going alone! :) sorry, to some of you, i just had to tell you otherwise and pls dont ask me why. el magnifico,esp you.hope you would understand when you get to know the truth)

twelff dec.12/12

twelff dec is a special day.

1) 23rd Leo Bod's day
this is our day. the twelve of us. OUR DAY! haha..its a day when the bod promised to meet up every year so as to keep in touch and keep our friendship strong and growing. come what may, we have to meet. but this year, it was a bummer- some were in the army,some were busy with work,some were just sleeping at home, so we couldn't meet up. hopefully when we finally settle down with our lives, we'll meet up as we have vowed on our hand-over day. :) i'm sure that day will come.lol, self- assurance. 23rd BOD: one great family- bunch of eleven great people, you guys are the ones who made my jc life truly fulling and interesting.

keeliang/ cailin/ peishan/ arthur/ joyce/ yenmei/ pengjuay/ stanley/ junming/ michelle. i love you all and will miss you guys to bits and toes! whee! :)



one lovely family- friends forever! :)


2) first day at work(at Fed Ex.)
whee!!! i finally got a job and i started working today. was so excited about working and finally becoming a responsible young adult(?) that i couldn't sleep the night before. haha. throughout the night, i thought of the boss and the colleagues- wondered what kind of people they would be, and was afraid that i might come across some old chee-ko-pek in the office who could possibly prey on me and harm me..lala.lol wild and crazy imagination i had for myself. oh, and i was worried sick that i would be late...again! i'm super impunctual and i am always late for sth. there's nothing to be proud of but yea, knowing my weakest weakness is not so bad eh? realisation is the beginning of change. :p and knowing that i become helpless when it comes to punctuality, wangliang gave me a wake up call in the morning and my mum helped me along by pinching me shaking me and pulling me off my bed. thank you both. thank you *bows. eh working was both fun and boring though. fun cos it's a new experience, but boring because i have to do the same thing over and over again lol. but no complaints! the pay's great and i'm loving it haha. gonna save up the money so that me can go china and visit my friends there. whee! and maybe go for erm..plastic surgery? wahahaha, kidding. yikes!!! the idea of slicing off my skin and bones gross me out totally. SERIOUSLY:/ heh anyway, i gotta thank peishan for introducing me to the job. thank you babe! :)

3) first day that i have come to know that he's so sincere. he wants me there. hmmm.

4) first day that i thought yellow top suits me.

yep. 12/12/05.
oh! and its the day matu and hakliang left for OBS at korea! lol. hope they'll return home safely.

tomorrow will be a better day!
happy working!! :)

arghh!

i just got a hee-disease.
some mental disease, madness-causing viral thingy, it's just inexplicable.
blame it all to boredom.

"heeheeeeheee. am i very long-winded? haha i think i am tho.
heehee~ my recent entries are all so so long. i can't really stand it myself too.
heeheehee and i wonder how u can stand. hmm. hee.

hee.
to those people who read my blog, bear with me pls?? :) hee.
hee. can't help it la.
hee. hee.

hee."

I AM SOOOO BORED.
SHOOT ME.

God papa n My path

darice n keeliang invited me over to the service at city harvest church. they held the service at the expo hall 8 for the first time and it was rather a grand opening :)

as usual, the place was filled with super-duper many people, and they were mostly all enthusiastic and hyper. chc people are a bunch of happy people i think. strong believers with extreme faith, that's something i admire- as a christian myself, i hope to be like them soon. i haven't really been in touch with this kind of high spirit,so at first it was a lil awkward for me to blend in to such an atmosphere. keeliang introduced me to the cell group members and i slowly broke the ice within me. praise and worship started and i loved it. i was slowing getting used to it. there were a few familar songs and i sang till my throat got soar and painful ahhh. kind of reminded me of those days in plmgss, those beautiful days when i was so involved in christian ministry and when i was so sure that i was indeed God's beloved daughter. am i still his beloved daughter? :)

today's service was great.
excellent lesson, it has taught me. it moved me so much. i never felt like this for such a long time, i felt as tho God was knocking on the door of my heart and i felt so happy after the speech- it was like 'wowwweeee!! i feel so damn good la!!' haha. probably it's because i'm under sm tremendous amount of pressure and stress, and i'm worried about my future and all.what the pastor said was all so pleasing to the ears and comforting.

the sermon was about fear and uncertainty.
faith will pull us through, and those who fear will not go far. fear robs us from our talent, our potential and our hope, and we shouldn't live in fear. when people sin, the first emotion we encounter would be fear, and we would be afraid of what we have done. fear will take away faith and fear will make us susceptible to satan and the devils around. fear will make us so vulnerable. fear will make us think of failures and fear will make us fail. in my recent post, i said i don't want to get married? actually its because i'm pretty scared of getting married, afraid that my husband would be unfaithful and leave my children and me because of some other person. what if that happens? i would probably just die if that really happens. diaos. hah this is like the worst fear i have in life- but like what the pastor said, we shouldn't fear of what's in front of us, and the failures we would possible face.

yep,as long as we have faith in ourselves and believe that God will be there to walk with us, be confident and as long as we hold our heads up high, things will be just fine. WE CAN MAKE IT, he said. yes, we can. he's right. we all can.:) that was something that i have been wanting to hear for a very long time- some motivation that tells me n wakes me up from the fearsome dream of the untold future, enlightening me that God has planned everything before us and He will guide us to the path we have to take. He will be there and i am so glad that He definitely will be there. leaving my beloved family and friends is one of the most burdening thing in my life right now. never left my family and friends before and i'm so afraid to live all by myself back there in korea. yea sure, i'll make new friends and all and i'll be fine, but the emptiness i would feel-that, i cannot deny, nobody can. i needed the mental strength and i'm glad that God gave it to me tonight. thank you :) yep, i won't be alone! yea! I CAN MAKE IT, I WILL BE FINE! lol

friends out there, do continue to pray for me please?
God bless you all n me richleeee. yayy! :))))))

-happy birthday to you-

after A's- the reality

thought it was going to be superbly entertaining,
thought it was going to be heavenly,
thought i was going to have sooo much fun...but bummerrr!!
it's plain boring - my life after A's, it sucks. urgh.
guess i had too much expectation huh.

well, went out with my close friends right after A's and caught a few movies together. went shopping with my classmates for about 4 times to get our grad stuff (tho' i only got my gown on the day of grad itself haha.) dyed my hair brown with copper highlight, i look better, dad says. (haha, my dad's treating me like a grown-up? woww.
yea right.)
ahh thats not the point.

05/12/05 the grad-night day
woke up early and started calling the make-up/hair salon for an appointment. i can't do my own make up for nuts, i don't even have the make-up-kit. and needless to say, i can't do anything with my hair. so yea, had to spend my ever-so-precious money on these two things. my mum's heels started to give me such agony by the time i got to Ritz Carlton, it wasn't fitting. phew. the make up done by the artiste was too thick and i didn't like it at all- i was just not happy with everything till i met my friends and got me cheered me up by taking lots and lots of pics with me. whee! gee, my moodswing's terrible, huh?

grad was ok, not as entertaining as i thought it would be. had a few games and the dinner was sucky- one of the worst hotel-food i ever had. i felt like a complete loooooooser when the camera batt when flat after 2 shots. yea, only 2 shots! argh!! what happened? i didn't switch on the power to charge it. how idiotic can i get, stupid me, u say? sure, i know that. x) well this isn't the first time, i'm always stupid haha. had to beg some of my friends to send the pics to me via email or sth. oh well. the retribution of ignorance.

hmmm.
they made me dance, so i did.
they made me walk, so i did.
but what i got in the end was way beyond what i even thought of.
grad queen? never.
never expected to get that title, i never even thought of it. .
gotta thank those friends who cheered for me tho. weiliang said he cheered till his throat went kooo-kooo haha. thank you friends, for cheering for me. i really felt special and i truly felt THE'love'? lol :)

hmm supposed to play tennis with kp today, but he said he has no balls. haha sounds funny tho. kp has NO BALLSS?! okay, thats not funny now.x) hahaha kp's going to tekong tmr- you're becoming a man dude!

life's super super boring. so so so soooo boring.
i'm rotting like nobody's business.
this sucks.

somebody, entertain me pls! :)

since you've been gone,
i was waiting for ur sign.
but u didn't give me any.
guess u're doing okay huh.
i'm happy for you dear.
and maybe this is ur sign,
telling me to move on?
telling me to be strong?

-missing you is a gruesome torture-